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#1 in our series by Lewis Carroll1
Unknown
Library of Congress ClassificationEnglishFrenchPRPZChildren's LiteratureJanuary 1991AnonymousProject Gutenberg edition 10March 1994AnonymousProject Gutenberg edition 30March 2003Marcello PerathonerTEI Markup
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mdashEM DASH--emspEM SPACEhellipHORIZONTAL ELLIPSIS...
THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0
Contents
List of Illustrations
Chapter I
Down the Rabbit-Hole
Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her
sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice
she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had
no pictures or conversations in it, and what is the use of a
book, thought Alice without pictures or conversation?
So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could,
for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether
the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble
of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White
Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.
There was nothing so very remarkable in that;
nor did Alice think it so very much out of the way
to hear the Rabbit say to itself, Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be
late! (when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to
her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it
all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually
took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket, and looked
at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her feet, for it
flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit
with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and
burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and
fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large
rabbit-hole under the hedge.
White Rabbit checking watch.
In another moment down went Alice after it, never once
considering how in the world she was to get out again.
The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way,
and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a
moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself
falling down a very deep well.
Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she
had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder
what was going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make
out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then
she looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled
with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and
pictures hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves
as she passed; it was labelled Orange Marmalade, but to her great disappointment
it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing
somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she fell
past it.
Well! thought Alice to herself, after such a fall
as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave
they'll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about
it, even if I fell off the top of the house! (Which was very
likely true.)
Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to
an end! I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?
she said aloud. I must be getting somewhere near the centre of
the earth. Let me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I
think — (for, you see, Alice had learnt several things
of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this
was not a very good opportunity for showing off her
knowledge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was
good practice to say it over) — yes, that's about the
right distance — but then I wonder what Latitude or
Longitude I've got to? (Alice had no idea what Latitude was,
or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to
say.)
Presently she began again. I wonder if I shall fall right
through the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out
among the people that walk with their heads downward! The
Antipathies, I think — (she was rather glad there
was no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound
at all the right word) — but I shall have to ask them
what the name of the country is, you know. Please, Ma'am, is this
New Zealand or Australia? (and she tried to curtsey as she
spoke — fancy curtseying as you're falling
through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) And what
an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll
never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.
Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon
began talking again. Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I
should think! (Dinah was the cat.) I hope they'll remember
her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were
down here with me! There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but
you might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse, you know.
But do cats eat bats, I wonder? And here Alice began to get
rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of
way, Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats? and sometimes,
Do bats eat cats? for, you see, as she couldn't answer
either question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. She
felt that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that
she was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very
earnestly, Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a
bat? when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap
of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.
Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in
a moment: she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her
was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in
sight, hurrying down it. There was not a moment to be lost: away
went Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as
it turned a corner, Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it's
getting! She was close behind it when she turned the corner,
but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found herself in a
long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging from
the roof.
There were doors all round the hall, but they were all
locked; and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up
the other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle,
wondering how she was ever to get out again.
Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made
of solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key,
and Alice's first thought was that it might belong to one of the
doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or
the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of
them. However, on the second time round, she came upon a low
curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little
door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key
in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!
Alice finding tiny door behind curtain.
Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small
passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and
looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw.
How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about
among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but
she could not even get her head though the doorway; and even
if my head would go through, thought poor Alice, it would
be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I
could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only know
how to begin. For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had
happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few
things indeed were really impossible.
There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she
went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it,
or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes:
this time she found a little bottle on it, (which certainly was not
here before, said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a
paper label, with the words Drink me beautifully printed on it in large
letters.
Alice taking Drink me bottle.
It was all very well to say Drink me, but the wise
little Alice was not going to do that in a hurry.
No, I'll look first, she said, and see whether it's
marked poison or not; for she had read
several nice little histories about children who had got burnt,
and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant things, all
because they would not remember the simple rules
their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot poker will
burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your finger
very deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she
had never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked
poison, it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or
later.
However, this bottle was not marked
poison, so Alice ventured to taste it, and finding it very
nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart,
custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered
toast,) she very soon finished it off.
&telescope;
What a curious feeling! said Alice; I must be
shutting up like a telescope.
And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and
her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right
size for going through the little door into that lovely garden.
First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was
going to shrink any further: she felt a little nervous about
this; for it might end, you know, said Alice to herself,
in my going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder what I
should be like then? And she tried to fancy what the flame of
a candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not
remember ever having seen such a thing.
After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she
decided on going into the garden at once; but, alas for poor
Alice! when she got to the door, she found she had forgotten the
little golden key, and when she went back to the table for it,
she found she could not possibly reach it: she could see it quite
plainly through the glass, and she tried her best to climb up one
of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery; and when she
had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing sat down
and cried.
Come, there's no use in crying like that! said Alice
to herself, rather sharply; I advise you to leave off this
minute! She generally gave herself very good advice, (though
she very seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself
so severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she
remembered trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself
in a game of croquet she was playing against herself, for this
curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people.
But it's no use now, thought poor Alice, to pretend to
be two people! Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make
one respectable person!
Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under
the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on
which the words Eat me were beautifully marked in
currants. Well, I'll eat it, said Alice, and if it
makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it makes me
grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way I'll get
into the garden, and I don't care which happens!
She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, Which
way? Which way?, holding her hand on the top of her head to
feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to
find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally
happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the
way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen,
that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the
common way.
So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.
&telescope;
Chapter II
The Pool of Tears
Curiouser and curiouser! cried Alice (she was so much
surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good
English); now I'm opening out like the largest telescope that
ever was! Good-bye, feet! (for when she looked down at her
feet, they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so
far off). Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on
your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure
I shan't be able! I shall be a great deal too far
off to trouble myself about you: you must manage the best way you
can; — but I must be kind to them, thought Alice, or
perhaps they won't walk the way I want to go! Let me see: I'll
give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.
Alice stretched tall.
And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it.
They must go by the carrier, she thought; and how funny it'll seem, sending presents to one's
own feet! And how odd the directions will look!
Alice's Right Foot, Esq. Hearthrug, Near the Fender, (With Alice's Love).
Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!
Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in
fact she was now more than nine feet high, and she at once took
up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door.
Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one
side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get
through was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to
cry again.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself, said Alice, a
great girl like you, (she might well say this), to go on
crying in this way! Stop this moment, I tell you! But she
went on all the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was
a large pool all round her, about four inches deep and reaching
half down the hall.
After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the
distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming.
It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a
pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the
other: he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to
himself as he came, Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! won't
she be savage if I've kept her waiting! Alice felt so
desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the
Rabbit came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, If you
please, sir — The Rabbit started violently, dropped the
white kid gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness
as hard as he could go.
Giant Alice watching Rabbit run away.
Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very
hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking:
Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday
things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in
the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this
morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little
different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in
the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle! And
she began thinking over all the children she knew that were of
the same age as herself, to see if she could have been changed
for any of them.
I'm sure I'm not Ada, she said, for her hair goes
in such long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all;
and I'm sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things,
and she, oh! she knows such a very little! Besides,
she's she, and I'm I, and — oh dear, how
puzzling it all is! I'll try if I know all the things I used to
know. Let me see: four times five is twelve, and four times six
is thirteen, and four times seven is — oh dear! I
shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, the
Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography. London
is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and
Rome — no, that's all wrong, I'm certain!
I must have been changed for Mabel! I'll try and say How
doth the little — and she crossed her
hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to
repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the
words did not come the same as they used to do: —
How doth the little crocodile Improve his shining tail, And pour the waters of the Nile On every golden scale! How cheerfully he seems to grin, How neatly spread his claws, And welcome little fishes in With gently smiling jaws!
I'm sure those are not the right words, said poor
Alice, and her eyes filled with tears again as she went on, I
must be Mabel after all, and I shall have to go and live in that
poky little house, and have next to no toys to play with, and oh!
ever so many lessons to learn! No, I've made up my mind about it;
if I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no use their putting
their heads down and saying Come up again, dear! I shall
only look up and say Who am I then? Tell me that first, and
then, if I like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll
stay down here till I'm somebody else — but, oh
dear! cried Alice, with a sudden burst of tears, I do wish
they would put their heads down! I am so
very tired of being all alone here!
As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was
surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little
white kid gloves while she was talking. How can I
have done that? she thought. I must be growing small
again. She got up and went to the table to measure herself by
it, and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now
about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon
found out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and
she dropped it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away
altogether.
That was a narrow escape! said Alice, a
good deal frightened at the sudden change, but very glad to find
herself still in existence; and now for the garden! and
she ran with all speed back to the little door: but, alas! the
little door was shut again, and the little golden key was lying
on the glass table as before, and things are worse than
ever, thought the poor child, for I never was so small as
this before, never! And I declare it's too bad, that it is!
As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another
moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first
idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, and in that
case I can go back by railway, she said to herself. (Alice
had been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the
general conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast
you find a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children
digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging
houses, and behind them a railway station.) However, she soon
made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept
when she was nine feet high.
Alice swimming in the pool of tears.
I wish I hadn't cried so much! said Alice, as she swam
about, trying to find her way out. I shall be punished for it
now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears! That
will be a queer thing, to be sure! However,
everything is queer to-day.
Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a
little way off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at
first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then
she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made out that
it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself.
Would it be of any use, now, thought Alice, to
speak to this mouse? Everything is so out-of-the-way down here,
that I should think very likely it can talk: at any rate, there's
no harm in trying. So she began: O Mouse, do you know the
way out of this pool? I am very tired of swimming about here, O
Mouse! (Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking
to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before, but she
remembered having seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, A
mouse — of a mouse — to a
mouse — a mouse — O mouse!) The Mouse
looked at her rather inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink
with one of its little eyes, but it said nothing.
Perhaps it doesn't understand English, thought Alice;
I daresay it's a French mouse, come over with William the
Conqueror. (For, with all her knowledge of history, Alice had
no very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.) So she
began again: Ou est ma chatte? which was the first
sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap
out of the water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright.
Oh, I beg your pardon! cried Alice hastily, afraid that
she had hurt the poor animal's feelings. I quite forgot you
didn't like cats.
Not like cats! cried the Mouse, in a shrill,
passionate voice. Would you like cats if you were
me?
Well, perhaps not, said Alice in a soothing tone:
don't be angry about it. And yet I wish I could show you our
cat Dinah: I think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could only
see her. She is such a dear quiet thing, Alice went on, half
to herself, as she swam lazily about in the pool, and she sits
purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her
face — and she is such a nice soft thing to nurse —
and she's such a capital one for catching mice — oh, I beg
your pardon! cried Alice again, for this time the Mouse was
bristling all over, and she felt certain it must be really
offended. We won't talk about her any more if you'd rather
not.
We indeed! cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to
the end of his tail. As if I would talk on such a subject! Our
family always hated cats: nasty, low, vulgar things!
Don't let me hear the name again!
I won't indeed! said Alice, in a great hurry to change
the subject of conversation. Are you — are you
fond — of — of dogs? The Mouse did not
answer, so Alice went on eagerly: There is such a nice little
dog near our house I should like to show you! A little
bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly brown
hair! And it'll fetch things when you throw them, and it'll sit
up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of things — I
can't remember half of them — and it belongs to a
farmer, you know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a
hundred pounds! He says it kills all the rats and — oh
dear! cried Alice in a sorrowful tone, I'm afraid I've
offended it again! For the Mouse was swimming away from her
as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in the pool
as it went.
Alice and the Mouse swimming in the pool of tears.
So she called softly after it, Mouse dear! Do come back
again, and we won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't
like them! When the Mouse heard this, it turned round and
swam slowly back to her: its face was quite pale (with passion,
Alice thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, Let us
get to the shore, and then I'll tell you my history, and you'll
understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.
It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite
crowded with the birds and animals that had fallen into it: there
were a Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other
curious creatures. Alice led the way, and the whole party swam to
the shore.
Chapter III
A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the
bank — the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with
their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross,
and uncomfortable.
The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they
had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed
quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with
them, as if she had known them all her life. Indeed, she had
quite a long argument with the Lory, who at last turned sulky,
and would only say, I am older than you, and must know
better; and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old
it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age,
there was no more to be said.
At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority
among them, called out, Sit down, all of you, and listen to
me! I'll soon make you dry enough! They all sat
down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the middle.
Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she
would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
Ahem! said the Mouse with an important air, are you
all ready? This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if
you please! William the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by
the pope, was soon submitted to by the English, who wanted
leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and
conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and
Northumbria —
Ugh! said the Lory, with a shiver.
I beg your pardon! said the Mouse, frowning, but very
politely: Did you speak?
Not I! said the Lory hastily.
I thought you did, said the Mouse. — I
proceed. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and
Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand, the patriotic
archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable —
Found what? said the Duck.
Found it, the Mouse replied rather
crossly: of course you know what it means.
I know what it means well enough, when I find a
thing, said the Duck: it's generally a frog or a worm. The
question is, what did the archbishop find?
The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went
on, — found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to
meet William and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first
was moderate. But the insolence of his Normans — How
are you getting on now, my dear? it continued, turning to
Alice as it spoke.
As wet as ever, said Alice in a melancholy tone: it
doesn't seem to dry me at all.
In that case, said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its
feet, I move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate
adoption of more energetic remedies —
Speak English! said the Eaglet. I don't know the
meaning of half those long words, and, what's more, I don't
believe you do either! And the Eaglet bent down its head to
hide a smile: some of the other birds tittered audibly.
What I was going to say, said the Dodo in an offended
tone, was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a
Caucus-race.
What is a Caucus-race? said Alice; not
that she wanted much to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it
thought that somebody ought to speak, and no one
else seemed inclined to say anything.
Why, said the Dodo, the best way to explain it is
to do it. (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself,
some winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.)
First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle,
(the exact shape doesn't matter, it said,) and then all
the party were placed along the course, here and there. There was
no One, two, three, and away, but they began running when
they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy
to know when the race was over. However, when they had been
running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo
suddenly called out The race is over! and they all crowded
round it, panting, and asking, But who has won?
This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal
of thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed
upon its forehead (the position in which you usually see
Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in
silence. At last the Dodo said, Everybody has
won, and all must have prizes.
But who is to give the prizes? quite a chorus of
voices asked.
Why, she, of course, said the Dodo,
pointing to Alice with one finger; and the whole party at once
crowded round her, calling out in a confused way, Prizes!
Prizes!
Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand
in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt
water had not got into it), and handed them round as prizes.
There was exactly one a-piece all round.
But she must have a prize herself, you know, said the
Mouse.
Of course, the Dodo replied very gravely. What else
have you got in your pocket? he went on, turning to Alice.
Only a thimble, said Alice sadly.
Hand it over here, said the Dodo.
Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo
solemnly presented the thimble, saying We beg your acceptance
of this elegant thimble; and, when it had finished this short
speech, they all cheered.
Dodo presenting thimble to Alice.
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all
looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could
not think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the
thimble, looking as solemn as she could.
The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise
and confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not
taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on
the back. However, it was over at last, and they sat down again
in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell them something more.
You promised to tell me your history, you know, said
Alice, and why it is you hate — C and D, she added
in a whisper, half afraid that it would be offended again.
Mine is a long and a sad tale! said the Mouse, turning
to Alice, and sighing.
Mouse telling story to birds and Alice.
It is a long tail, certainly, said Alice,
looking down with wonder at the Mouse's tail; but why do you
call it sad? And she kept on puzzling about it while the
Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was something
like this: —
Fury said to a mouse, That he met in the house, Let us both go to law: I will prosecute you. — Come, I'll take no denial; We must have a trial: For really this morning I've nothing to do. Said the mouse to the cur, Such a trial, dear Sir, With no jury or judge, would be wasting our breath.I'll be judge, I'll be jury, Said cunning old Fury: I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.
You are not attending! said the Mouse to Alice
severely. What are you thinking of?
I beg your pardon, said Alice very humbly: you had
got to the fifth bend, I think?
I had not! cried the Mouse, sharply and
very angrily.
A knot! said Alice, always ready to make herself
useful, and looking anxiously about her. Oh, do let me help to
undo it!
I shall do nothing of the sort, said the Mouse,
getting up and walking away. You insult me by talking such
nonsense!
I didn't mean it! pleaded poor Alice. But you're so
easily offended, you know!
The Mouse only growled in reply.
Please come back and finish your story! Alice called
after it; and the others all joined in chorus, Yes, please
do! but the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and walked
a little quicker.
What a pity it wouldn't stay! sighed the Lory, as soon
as it was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the
opportunity of saying to her daughter Ah, my dear! Let this be
a lesson to you never to lose your temper!Hold your tongue, Ma! said the young Crab, a little
snappishly. You're enough to try the patience of an
oyster!
I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do! said Alice
aloud, addressing nobody in particular. She'd soon fetch it
back!
And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the
question? said the Lory.
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about
her pet: Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for
catching mice you can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her
after the birds! Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at
it!
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party.
Some of the birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began
wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, I really must be
getting home; the night-air doesn't suit my throat! and a
Canary called out in a trembling voice to its children, Come
away, my dears! It's high time you were all in bed! On
various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left
alone.
I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah! she said to herself
in a melancholy tone. Nobody seems to like her, down here, and
I'm sure she's the best cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I
wonder if I shall ever see you any more! And here poor Alice
began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited. In
a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of
footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping
that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to
finish his story.
Chapter IV
The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and
looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something;
and she heard it muttering to itself The Duchess! The Duchess!
Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! She'll get me executed,
as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where can I have
dropped them, I wonder? Alice guessed in a moment that it was
looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she
very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were
nowhere to be seen — everything seemed to have changed
since her swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass
table and the little door, had vanished completely.
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting
about, and called out to her in an angry tone, Why, Mary Ann,
what are you doing out here? Run home this moment,
and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan! Quick, now! And
Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once in the
direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it
had made.
He took me for his housemaid, she said to herself as
she ran. How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am!
But I'd better take him his fan and gloves — that is, if I
can find them. As she said this, she came upon a neat little
house, on the door of which was a bright brass plate with the
name W. Rabbit engraved upon it. She went in without
knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should
meet the real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the house before she
had found the fan and gloves.
How queer it seems, Alice said to herself, to be
going messages for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on
messages next! And she began fancying the sort of thing that
would happen: Miss Alice! Come here directly, and get ready
for your walk!Coming in a minute, nurse! But I've got to
see that the mouse doesn't get out. Only I don't think,
Alice went on, that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it
began ordering people about like that!
By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room
with a table in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan
and two or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the
fan and a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave the
room, when her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the
looking-glass. There was no label this time with the words
Drink me, but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to
her lips. I know something interesting is sure to
happen, she said to herself, whenever I eat or drink
anything; so I'll just see what this bottle does. I do hope it'll
make me grow large again, for really I'm quite tired of being
such a tiny little thing!
It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected:
before she had drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing
against the ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from being
broken. She hastily put down the bottle, saying to herself
That's quite enough — I hope I shan't grow any
more — As it is, I can't get out at the
door — I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so much!
Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and
growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another
minute there was not even room for this, and she tried the effect
of lying down with one elbow against the door, and the other arm
curled round her head. Still she went on growing, and, as a last
resource, she put one arm out of the window, and one foot up the
chimney, and said to herself Now I can do no more, whatever
happens. What will become of me?
Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its
full effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very
uncomfortable, and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of
her ever getting out of the room again, no wonder she felt
unhappy.
Alice cramped in Rabbit's house.
It was much pleasanter at home, thought poor Alice,
when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being
ordered about by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone
down that rabbit-hole — and yet — and
yet — it's rather curious, you know, this sort of
life! I do wonder what can have happened to me! When
I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing never
happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There ought to
be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I grow up,
I'll write one — but I'm grown up now, she added
in a sorrowful tone; at least there's no room to grow up any
more here.
But then, thought Alice, shall I never
get any older than I am now? That'll be a comfort, one
way — never to be an old woman — but
then — always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I
shouldn't like that!
Oh, you foolish Alice! she answered herself. How
can you learn lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for
you, and no room at all for any lesson-books!
And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other,
and making quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few
minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
Mary Ann! Mary Ann! said the voice. Fetch me my
gloves this moment! Then came a little pattering of feet on
the stairs. Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look for her,
and she trembled till she shook the house, quite forgetting that
she was now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit, and
had no reason to be afraid of it.
Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open
it; but, as the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was
pressed hard against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice
heard it say to itself Then I'll go round and get in at the
window.
That you won't thought Alice, and, after
waiting till she fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the
window, she suddenly spread out her hand, and made a snatch in
the air. She did not get hold of anything, but she heard a little
shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass, from which she
concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a
cucumber-frame, or something of the sort.
Alice's hand grabbing at Rabbit.
Next came an angry voice — the Rabbit's — Pat!
Pat! Where are you? And then a voice she had never heard
before, Sure then I'm here! Digging for apples, yer
honour!
Digging for apples, indeed! said the Rabbit angrily.
Here! Come and help me out of this! (Sounds
of more broken glass.)
Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?
Sure, it's an arm, yer honour! (He pronounced it
arrum.)
An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it
fills the whole window!
Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all
that.
Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take
it away!
There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only
hear whispers now and then; such as, Sure, I don't like it,
yer honour, at all, at all!Do as I tell you, you
coward! and at last she spread out her hand again, and made
another snatch in the air. This time there were two
little shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass. What a number
of cucumber-frames there must be! thought Alice. I wonder
what they'll do next! As for pulling me out of the window, I only
wish they could! I'm sure I don't want to stay in
here any longer!
She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at
last came a rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a
good many voices all talking together: she made out the words:
Where's the other ladder? — Why, I hadn't to bring
but one; Bill's got the other — Bill! fetch it here,
lad! — Here, put 'em up at this corner —
No, tie 'em together first — they don't reach half
high enough yet — Oh! they'll do well enough; don't be
particular — Here, Bill! catch hold of this
rope — Will the roof bear? — Mind that
loose slate — Oh, it's coming down! Heads below!
(a loud crash) — Now, who did that? — It
was Bill, I fancy — Who's to go down the
chimney? — Nay, I shan't! You do
it! — That I won't, then! — Bill's to go
down — Here, Bill! the master says you're to go down
the chimney!
Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?
said Alice to herself. Shy, they seem to put everything upon
Bill! I wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal: this
fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but I think I can
kick a little!
She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and
waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what
sort it was) scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close
above her: then, saying to herself This is Bill, she gave
one sharp kick, and waited to see what would happen next.
Bill flying out of the chimney.
The first thing she heard was a general chorus of There
goes Bill! then the Rabbit's voice along — Catch
him, you by the hedge! then silence, and then another
confusion of voices — Hold up his head — Brandy
now — Don't choke him — How was it, old fellow? What
happened to you? Tell us all about it!
Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (That's
Bill, thought Alice,) Well, I hardly know — No more,
thank ye; I'm better now — but I'm a deal too flustered to
tell you — all I know is, something comes at me like a
Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!
So you did, old fellow! said the others.
We must burn the house down! said the Rabbit's voice;
and Alice called out as loud as she could, If you do. I'll set
Dinah at you!
There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to
herself, I wonder what they will do next! If they
had any sense, they'd take the roof off. After a minute or
two, they began moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit
say, A barrowful will do, to begin with.
A barrowful of what? thought Alice; but
she had not long to doubt, for the next moment a shower of little
pebbles came rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her
in the face. I'll put a stop to this, she said to herself,
and shouted out, You'd better not do that again! which
produced another dead silence.
Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all
turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright
idea came into her head. If I eat one of these cakes, she
thought, it's sure to make some change in my
size; and as it can't possibly make me larger, it must make me
smaller, I suppose.
So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find
that she began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small
enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and
found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside.
The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by
two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle.
They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared; but she
ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe in a
thick wood.
The first thing I've got to do, said Alice to herself,
as she wandered about in the wood, is to grow to my right size
again; and the second thing is to find my way into that lovely
garden. I think that will be the best plan.
It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and
simply arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the
smallest idea how to set about it; and while she was peering
about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark just over
her head made her look up in a great hurry.
Dog looking at tiny Alice.
An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round
eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her.
Poor little thing! said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she
tried hard to whistle to it; but she was terribly frightened all
the time at the thought that it might be hungry, in which case it
would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing.
Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of
stick, and held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped
into the air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight,
and rushed at the stick, and made believe to worry it; then Alice
dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from being run
over; and the moment she appeared on the other side, the puppy
made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in
its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very
like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every
moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle
again; then the puppy began a series of short charges at the
stick, running a very little way forwards each time and a long
way back, and barking hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat
down a good way off, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its
mouth, and its great eyes half shut.
This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her
escape; so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired
and out of breath, and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint
in the distance.
And yet what a dear little puppy it was! said Alice,
as she leant against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned
herself with one of the leaves: I should have liked teaching
it tricks very much, if — if I'd only been the right size
to do it! Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up
again! Let me see — how is it to be managed? I
suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great
question is, what?
The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all
round her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not
see anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink
under the circumstances. There was a large mushroom growing near
her, about the same height as herself; and when she had looked
under it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to
her that she might as well look and see what was on the top of
it.
She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge
of the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large
caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its arms folded,
quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice
of her or of anything else.
Chapter V
Advice from a Caterpillar
The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time
in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its
mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.
Who are you? said the Caterpillar.
Alice meets the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice
replied, rather shyly, I — I hardly know, sir, just at
present — at least I know who I was when I got
up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several
times since then.
What do you mean by that? said the Caterpillar
sternly. Explain yourself!
I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir
said Alice, because I'm not myself, you see.
I don't see, said the Caterpillar.
I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly, Alice replied
very politely, for I can't understand it myself to begin with;
and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.
It isn't, said the Caterpillar.
Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet, said Alice;
but when you have to turn into a chrysalis — you will
some day, you know — and then after that into a butterfly,
I should think you'll feel it a little queer, won't you?
Not a bit, said the Caterpillar.
Well, perhaps your feelings may be different, said
Alice; all I know is, it would feel very queer to
me.
You! said the Caterpillar contemptuously. Who are
you?
Which brought them back again to the beginning of the
conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's
making such very short remarks, and she drew herself
up and said, very gravely, I think, you ought to tell me who
you are, first.
Why? said the Caterpillar.
Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not
think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in
a very unpleasant state of mind, she turned away.
Come back! the Caterpillar called after her. I've
something important to say!
This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back
again.
Keep your temper, said the Caterpillar.
Is that all? said Alice, swallowing down her anger as
well as she could.
No, said the Caterpillar.
Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else
to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth
hearing. For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at
last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth
again, and said, So you think you're changed, do you?
I'm afraid I am, sir, said Alice; I can't remember
things as I used — and I don't keep the same size for ten
minutes together!
Can't remember what things? said the
Caterpillar.
Well, I've tried to say How Doth the Little Busy
Bee, but it all came different! Alice replied in a
very melancholy voice.
Repeat, You are Old, Father William,
said the Caterpillar.
Alice folded her hands, and began: —
You are old, Father William, the young man said, And your hair has become very white;And yet you incessantly stand on your head —Do you think, at your age, it is right?Father William standing on head.In my youth, Father William replied to his son, I feared it might injure the brain;But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, Why, I do it again and again.You are old, said the youth, as I mentioned before,And have grown most uncommonly fat;Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door —Pray, what is the reason of that?Father William somersaulting in the door.In my youth, said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, I kept all my limbs very suppleBy the use of this ointment — one shilling the box —Allow me to sell you a couple?You are old, said the youth, and your jaws are too weakFor anything tougher than suet;Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak —Pray how did you manage to do it?Father William having eaten the goose.In my youth, said his father, I took to the law,And argued each case with my wife;And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,Has lasted the rest of my life.You are old, said the youth, one would hardly supposeThat your eye was as steady as ever;Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose —What made you so awfully clever?Father William balancing eel on nose.I have answered three questions, and that is enough, Said his father; don't give yourself airs!Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!
That is not said right, said the Caterpillar.
Not quite right, I'm afraid, said Alice,
timidly; some of the words have got altered.
It is wrong from beginning to end, said the
Caterpillar decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes.
The Caterpillar was the first to speak.
What size do you want to be? it asked.
Oh, I'm not particular as to size, Alice hastily
replied; only one doesn't like changing so often, you
know.
I don't know, said the Caterpillar.
Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted
in her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.
Are you content now? said the Caterpillar.
Well, I should like to be a little larger,
sir, if you wouldn't mind, said Alice: three inches is
such a wretched height to be.
It is a very good height indeed! said the Caterpillar
angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three
inches high).
But I'm not used to it! pleaded poor Alice in a
piteous tone. And she thought of herself, I wish the creatures
wouldn't be so easily offended!
You'll get used to it in time, said the Caterpillar;
and it put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak
again. In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of
its mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got
down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely
remarking as it went, One side will make you grow taller, and
the other side will make you grow shorter.
One side of what? The other side of
what? thought Alice to herself.
Of the mushroom, said the Caterpillar, just as if she
had asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.
Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a
minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as
it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question.
However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they
would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.
And now which is which? she said to herself, and
nibbled a little of the right-hand bit to try the effect: the
next moment she felt a violent blow underneath her chin: it had
struck her foot!
She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change,
but she felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was
shrinking rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat some of the
other bit. Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot, that
there was hardly room to open her mouth; but she did it at last,
and managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit.
&telescope;
Come, my head's free at last! said Alice in a tone of
delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when she
found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found: all she could
see, when she looked down, was an immense length of neck, which
seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay
far below her.
What can all that green stuff be? said
Alice. And where have my shoulders got to? And
oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you? She was moving
them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow, except a
little shaking among the distant green leaves.
As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to
her head, she tried to get her head down to them, and was
delighted to find that her neck would bend about easily in any
direction, like a serpent. She had just succeeded in curving it
down into a graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among the
leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees
under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her
draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and
was beating her violently with its wings.
Serpent! screamed the Pigeon.
I'm not a serpent! said Alice
indignantly. Let me alone!
Serpent, I say again! repeated the Pigeon, but in a
more subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, I've tried
every way, and nothing seems to suit them!
I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,
said Alice.
I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and
I've tried hedges, the Pigeon went on, without attending to
her; but those serpents! There's no pleasing them!
Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no
use in saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs, said
the Pigeon; but I must be on the look-out for serpents night
and day! Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep these three
weeks!
I'm very sorry you've been annoyed, said Alice, who
was beginning to see its meaning.
And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,
continued the Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, and just
as I was thinking I should be free of them at last, they must
needs come wriggling down from the sky! Ugh, Serpent!
But I'm not a serpent, I tell you! said
Alice. I'm a — I'm a —
Well! What are you? said the Pigeon. I
can see you're trying to invent something!
I — I'm a little girl, said Alice, rather
doubtfully, as she remembered the number of changes she had gone
through that day.
A likely story indeed! said the Pigeon in a tone of
the deepest contempt. I've seen a good many little girls in my
time, but never one with such a neck as that! No,
no! You're a serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose
you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!
I have tasted eggs, certainly, said
Alice, who was a very truthful child; but little girls eat
eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know.
I don't believe it, said the Pigeon; but if they
do, why then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.
This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent
for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of
adding, You're looking for eggs, I know that well
enough; and what does it matter to me whether you're a little
girl or a serpent?
It matters a good deal to me, said Alice
hastily; but I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I
was, I shouldn't want yours: I don't like them
raw.
Well, be off, then! said the Pigeon in a sulky tone,
as it settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among
the trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting
entangled among the branches, and every now and then she had to
stop and untwist it. After a while she remembered that she still
held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to work
very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and
growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had
succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
It was so long since she had been anything near the right
size, that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it
in a few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual.
Come, there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these
changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute
to another! However, I've got back to my right size: the next
thing is, to get into that beautiful garden — how
is that to be done, I wonder? As she said this,
she came suddenly upon an open place, with a little house in it
about four feet high. Whoever lives there, thought Alice,
it'll never do to come upon them this size: why,
I should frighten them out of their wits! So she began
nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did not venture to go
near the house till she had brought herself down to nine inches
high.
Chapter VI
Pig and Pepper
For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and
wondering what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came
running out of the wood — (she considered him to be a
footman because he was in livery: otherwise, judging by his face
only, she would have called him a fish) — and rapped loudly
at the door with his knuckles. It was opened by another footman
in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and
both footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all
over their heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all
about, and crept a little way out of the wood to listen.
Fish and Frog servants.
The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a
great letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over
to the other, saying, in a solemn tone, For the Duchess. An
invitation from the Queen to play croquet. The Frog-Footman
repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order of the
words a little, From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess
to play croquet.
Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled
together.
Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into
the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped
out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the
ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.
There's no sort of use in knocking, said the Footman,
and that for two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side
of the door as you are; secondly, because they're making such a
noise inside, no one could possibly hear you. And certainly
there was a most extraordinary noise going on within — a
constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then a great
crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.
Please, then, said Alice, how am I to get in?
There might be some sense in your knocking, the
Footman went on without attending to her, if we had the door
between us. For instance, if you were inside, you
might knock, and I could let you out, you know. He was
looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this
Alice thought decidedly uncivil. But perhaps he can't help
it, she said to herself; his eyes are so very
nearly at the top of his head. But at any rate he might answer
questions. — How am I to get in? she repeated, aloud.
I shall sit here, the Footman remarked, till
tomorrow —
At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large
plate came skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just
grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the trees
behind him.
— or next day, maybe, the Footman continued in
the same tone, exactly as if nothing had happened.
How am I to get in? asked Alice again, in a louder
tone.
Are you to get in at all? said the
Footman. That's the first question, you know.
It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so.
It's really dreadful, she muttered to herself, the way
all the creatures argue. It's enough to drive one crazy!
The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for
repeating his remark, with variations. I shall sit here,
he said, on and off, for days and days.
But what am I to do? said Alice.
Anything you like, said the Footman, and began
whistling.
Oh, there's no use in talking to him, said Alice
desperately: he's perfectly idiotic! And she opened the
door and went in.
The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of
smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a
three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was
leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to
be full of soup.
There's certainly too much pepper in that soup! Alice
said to herself, as well as she could for sneezing.
There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the
Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was
sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause. The
only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook,
and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from
ear to ear.
Cook, Duchess, Cheshire Cat, Baby, and Alice.
Please would you tell me, said Alice, a little
timidly, for she was not quite sure whether it was good manners
for her to speak first, why your cat grins like that?
It's a Cheshire cat, said the Duchess, and that's
why. Pig!
She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice
quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed
to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on
again: —
I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact,
I didn't know that cats could grin.
They all can, said the Duchess; and most of 'em
do.
I don't know of any that do, Alice said very politely,
feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation.
You don't know much, said the Duchess; and that's a
fact.
Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and
thought it would be as well to introduce some other subject of
conversation. While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took
the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work
throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the
baby — the fire-irons came first; then followed a
shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no
notice of them even when they hit her; and the baby was howling
so much already, that it was quite impossible to say whether the
blows hurt it or not.
Oh, please mind what you're doing! cried
Alice, jumping up and down in an agony of terror. Oh, there
goes his precious nose; as an unusually large
saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
If everybody minded their own business, the Duchess
said in a hoarse growl, the world would go round a deal faster
than it does.
Which would not be an advantage, said
Alice, who felt very glad to get an opportunity of showing off a
little of her knowledge. Just think of what work it would make
with the day and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours
to turn round on its axis —
Talking of axes, said the Duchess, chop off her
head!
Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she
meant to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the
soup, and seemed not to be listening, so she went on again:
Twenty-four hours, I think; or is it twelve?
I —
Oh, don't bother me, said the Duchess;
I never could abide figures! And with that she began
nursing her child again, singing a sort of lullaby to it as she
did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of every line:
Speak roughly to your little boy, And beat him when he sneezes: He only does it to annoy, Because he knows it teases.
Chorus.
(In which the cook and the baby joined): —
Wow! wow! wow!
While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept
tossing the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing
howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the words: —
I speak severely to my boy, I beat him when he sneezes; For he can thoroughly enjoy The pepper when he pleases!
Chorus.
Wow! wow! wow!
Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like! the Duchess
said to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. I must
go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen, and she
hurried out of the room. The cook threw a frying-pan after her as
she went out, but it just missed her.
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a
queer-shaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs in
all directions, just like a star-fish, thought Alice. The
poor little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she
caught it, and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself
out again, so that altogether, for the first minute or two, it
was as much as she could do to hold it.
As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it,
(which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep
tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its
undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open air.
If I don't take this child away with me,
thought Alice, they're sure to kill it in a day or two:
wouldn't it be murder to leave it behind? She said the last
words out loud, and the little thing grunted in reply (it had
left off sneezing by this time). Don't grunt, said Alice;
that's not at all a proper way of expressing yourself.
The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into
its face to see what was the matter with it. There could be no
doubt that it had a very turn-up nose, much more
like a snout than a real nose; also its eyes were getting
extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not like the
look of the thing at all. But perhaps it was only sobbing,
she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were
any tears.
Alice holding the pig baby.
No, there were no tears. If you're going to turn into a
pig, my dear, said Alice, seriously, I'll have nothing
more to do with you. Mind now! The poor little thing sobbed
again (or grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went
on for some while in silence.
Alice was just beginning to think to herself, Now, what am
I to do with this creature when I get it home? when it
grunted again, so violently, that she looked down into its face
in some alarm. This time there could be no mistake
about it: it was neither more nor less than a pig, and she felt
that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it further.
So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved
to see it trot away quietly into the wood. If it had grown
up, she said to herself, it would have made a dreadfully
ugly child: but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think. And
she began thinking over other children she knew, who might do
very well as pigs, and was just saying to herself, if one only
knew the right way to change them — when she was a
little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of
a tree a few yards off.
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked
good-natured, she thought: still it had very long
claws and a great many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be
treated with respect.
Cheshire Puss, she began, rather timidly, as she did
not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only
grinned a little wider. Come, it's pleased so far, thought
Alice, and she went on. Would you tell me, please, which way I
ought to go from here?
Alice speaks to the Cheshire Cat.
That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,
said the Cat.
I don't much care where — said Alice.
Then it doesn't matter which way you go, said the Cat.
— so long as I get somewhere, Alice
added as an explanation.
Oh, you're sure to do that, said the Cat, if you
only walk long enough.
Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried
another question. What sort of people live about here?
In that direction, the Cat said, waving
its right paw round, lives a Hatter: and in that
direction, waving the other paw, lives a March Hare. Visit
either you like: they're both mad.
But I don't want to go among mad people, Alice
remarked.
Oh, you can't help that, said the Cat: we're all
mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
How do you know I'm mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn't have
come here.
Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went
on And how do you know that you're mad?
To begin with, said the Cat, a dog's not mad. You
grant that?
I suppose so, said Alice.
Well, then, the Cat went on, you see, a dog growls
when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl
when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm
mad.
I call it purring, not growling, said Alice.
Call it what you like, said the Cat. Do you play
croquet with the Queen to-day?
I should like it very much, said Alice, but I
haven't been invited yet.
You'll see me there, said the Cat, and vanished.
Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used
to queer things happening. While she was looking at the place
where it had been, it suddenly appeared again.
By-the-bye, what became of the baby? said the Cat.
I'd nearly forgotten to ask.
It turned into a pig, Alice quietly said, just as if
it had come back in a natural way.
I thought it would, said the Cat, and vanished again.
Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it
did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the
direction in which the March Hare was said to live. I've seen
hatters before, she said to herself; the March Hare will
be much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won't
be raving mad — at least not so mad as it was in March.
As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again,
sitting on a branch of a tree.
Did you say pig, or fig? said the Cat.
I said pig, replied Alice; and I wish you wouldn't
keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite
giddy.
All right, said the Cat; and this time it vanished
quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with
the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
The Cheshire Cat fades to a smile.
Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin, thought
Alice; but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I
ever saw in my life!
She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the
house of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house,
because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was
thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not like
to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand bit
of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high: even then
she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself
Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd
gone to see the Hatter instead!
Chapter VII
A Mad Tea-Party
There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house,
and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a
Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two
were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and
talking over its head. Very uncomfortable for the
Dormouse, thought Alice; only, as it's asleep, I suppose
it doesn't mind.
The Mad Tea Party.
The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded
together at one corner of it: No room! No room! they cried
out when they saw Alice coming. There's plenty of
room! said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large
arm-chair at one end of the table.
Have some wine, the March Hare said in an encouraging
tone.
Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it
but tea. I don't see any wine, she remarked.
There isn't any, said the March Hare.
Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it, said
Alice angrily.
It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being
invited, said the March Hare.
I didn't know it was your table, said
Alice; it's laid for a great many more than three.
Your hair wants cutting, said the Hatter. He had been
looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was
his first speech.
You should learn not to make personal remarks, Alice
said with some severity; it's very rude.
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all
he said was, Why is a raven like a
writing-desk?
Come, we shall have some fun now! thought Alice.
I'm glad they've begun asking riddles. — I believe I can
guess that, she added aloud.
Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to
it? said the March Hare.
Exactly so, said Alice.
Then you should say what you mean, the March Hare went
on.
I do, Alice hastily replied; at least — at
least I mean what I say — that's the same thing, you
know.
Not the same thing a bit! said the Hatter. You
might just as well say that I see what I eat is the same
thing as I eat what I see!
The Hatter engaging in rhetoric.
You might just as well say, added the March Hare,
that I like what I get is the same thing as I get
what I like!
You might just as well say, added the Dormouse, who
seemed to be talking in his sleep, that I breathe when I
sleep is the same thing as I sleep when I breathe!
It is the same thing with you, said the
Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and the party sat
silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she could
remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much.
The Hatter was the first to break the silence. What day of
the month is it? he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his
watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking
it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.
Alice considered a little, and then said The fourth.
Two days wrong! sighed the Hatter. I told you
butter wouldn't suit the works! he added looking angrily at
the March Hare.
It was the best butter, the March Hare
meekly replied.
Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well, the
Hatter grumbled: you shouldn't have put it in with the
bread-knife.
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then
he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he
could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, It
was the best butter, you know.
Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity.
What a funny watch! she remarked. It tells the day of the
month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!
Why should it? muttered the Hatter. Does
your watch tell you what year it is?
Of course not, Alice replied very readily: but
that's because it stays the same year for such a long time
together.
Which is just the case with mine, said
the Hatter.
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to
have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English.
I don't quite understand you, she said, as politely as she
could.
The Dormouse is asleep again, said the Hatter, and he
poured a little hot tea upon its nose.
The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without
opening its eyes, Of course, of course; just what I was going
to remark myself.
Have you guessed the riddle yet? the Hatter said,
turning to Alice again.
No, I give it up, Alice replied: what's the
answer?
I haven't the slightest idea, said the Hatter.
Nor I, said the March Hare.
Alice sighed wearily. I think you might do something
better with the time, she said, than waste it in asking
riddles that have no answers.
If you knew Time as well as I do, said the Hatter,
you wouldn't talk about wasting it. It's
him.
I don't know what you mean, said Alice.
Of course you don't! the Hatter said, tossing his head
contemptuously. I dare say you never even spoke to Time!
Perhaps not, Alice cautiously replied: but I know I
have to beat time when I learn music.
Ah! that accounts for it, said the Hatter. He won't
stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd
do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance,
suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin
lessons: you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round
goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for
dinner!
(I only wish it was, the March Hare said to itself in
a whisper.)
That would be grand, certainly, said Alice
thoughtfully: but then — I shouldn't be hungry for it,
you know.
Not at first, perhaps, said the Hatter: but you
could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.
Is that the way you manage? Alice asked.
The Hatter shook his head mournfully. Not I! he
replied. We quarrelled last March — just before
he went mad, you know — (pointing with his
tea spoon at the March Hare,) — it was at the
great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!How I wonder what you're at!
You know the song, perhaps?
I've heard something like it, said Alice.
It goes on, you know, the Hatter continued, in this way: —
Up above the world you fly,Like a tea-tray in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle —
Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its
sleep Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle — and went
on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop.
Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse, said the
Hatter, when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, He's
murdering the time! Off with his head!
How dreadfully savage! exclaimed Alice.
And ever since that, the Hatter went on in a mournful
tone, he won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock
now.
A bright idea came into Alice's head. Is that the reason
so many tea-things are put out here? she asked.
Yes, that's it, said the Hatter with a sigh: it's
always tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between
whiles.
Then you keep moving round, I suppose? said Alice.
Exactly so, said the Hatter: as the things get used
up.
But what happens when you come to the beginning again?
Alice ventured to ask.
Suppose we change the subject, the March Hare
interrupted, yawning. I'm getting tired of this. I vote the
young lady tells us a story.
I'm afraid I don't know one, said Alice, rather
alarmed at the proposal.
Then the Dormouse shall! they both cried. Wake up,
Dormouse! And they pinched it on both sides at once.
The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. I wasn't asleep,
he said in a hoarse, feeble voice: I heard every word you
fellows were saying.
Tell us a story! said the March Hare.
Yes, please do! pleaded Alice.
And be quick about it, added the Hatter, or you'll
be asleep again before it's done.
Once upon a time there were three little sisters, the
Dormouse began in a great hurry; and their names were Elsie,
Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a
well —
What did they live on? said Alice, who always took a
great interest in questions of eating and drinking.
They lived on treacle, said the Dormouse, after
thinking a minute or two.
They couldn't have done that, you know, Alice gently
remarked; they'd have been ill.
So they were, said the Dormouse; very
ill.
Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary
ways of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she
went on: But why did they live at the bottom of a well?
Take some more tea, the March Hare said to Alice, very
earnestly.
I've had nothing yet, Alice replied in an offended
tone, so I can't take more.
You mean you can't take less, said the
Hatter: it's very easy to take more than
nothing.
Nobody asked your opinion, said Alice.
Who's making personal remarks now? the Hatter asked
triumphantly.
Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped
herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the
Dormouse, and repeated her question. Why did they live at the
bottom of a well?
The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it,
and then said, It was a treacle-well.
There's no such thing! Alice was beginning very
angrily, but the Hatter and the March Hare went Sh! sh!
and the Dormouse sulkily remarked, If you can't be civil,
you'd better finish the story for yourself.
No, please go on! Alice said very humbly; I won't
interrupt again. I dare say there may be one.
One, indeed! said the Dormouse indignantly. However,
he consented to go on. And so these three little
sisters — they were learning to draw, you
know —
What did they draw? said Alice, quite forgetting her
promise.
Treacle, said the Dormouse, without considering at all
this time.
I want a clean cup, interrupted the Hatter: let's
all move one place on.
He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the
March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather
unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the
only one who got any advantage from the change: and Alice was a
good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset
the milk-jug into his plate.
Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began
very cautiously: But I don't understand. Where did they draw
the treacle from?
You can draw water out of a water-well, said the
Hatter; so I should think you could draw treacle out of a
treacle-well — eh, stupid?
But they were in the well, Alice said to
the Dormouse, not choosing to notice this last remark.
Of course they were, said the Dormouse; —
well in.
This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse
go on for some time without interrupting it.
They were learning to draw, the Dormouse went on,
yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy;
and they drew all manner of things — everything that
begins with an M —
Why with an M? said Alice.
Why not? said the March Hare.
Alice was silent.
The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going
off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up
again with a little shriek, and went on: — that begins
with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and
muchness — you know you say things are much of a
muchness — did you ever see such a thing as a drawing
of a muchness?
Really, now you ask me, said Alice, very much
confused, I don't think —
Then you shouldn't talk, said the Hatter.
This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she
got up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep
instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her
going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that
they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were
trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.
The Hatter and the Hare dunk the Dormouse.
At any rate I'll never go there again!
said Alice as she picked her way through the wood. It's the
stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!
Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had
a door leading right into it. That's very curious! she
thought. But everything's curious today. I think I may as well
go in at once. And in she went.
Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to
the little glass table. Now, I'll manage better this time,
she said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key,
and unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she went to
work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her
pocket) till she was about a foot high: then she walked down the
little passage: and then — she found herself
at last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and
the cool fountains.
Chapter VIII
The Queen's Croquet-Ground
A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the
roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at
it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious
thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up
to them she heard one of them say, Look out now, Five! Don't
go splashing paint over me like that!
Two, Five, and Seven painting the rosebush.
I couldn't help it, said Five, in a sulky tone;
Seven jogged my elbow.
On which Seven looked up and said, That's right, Five!
Always lay the blame on others!
You'd better not talk! said Five. I
heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to be
beheaded!
What for? said the one who had spoken first.
That's none of your business, Two! said
Seven.
Yes, it is his business! said Five,
and I'll tell him — it was for bringing the cook
tulip-roots instead of onions.
Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun Well, of
all the unjust things — when his eye chanced to fall
upon Alice, as she stood watching them, and he checked himself
suddenly: the others looked round also, and all of them bowed
low.
Would you tell me, said Alice, a little timidly,
why you are painting those roses?
Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in
a low voice, Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought
to have been a red rose-tree, and we put a white one
in by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all
have our heads cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing
our best, afore she comes, to — At this moment Five,
who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called out
The Queen! The Queen! and the three gardeners instantly
threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many
footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped
like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and
feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were
ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the
soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were ten
of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in
hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came
the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice
recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous
manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without
noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the
King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this
grand procession, came the King and Queen of Hearts.
Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down
on her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember
ever having heard of such a rule at processions; and besides,
what would be the use of a procession, thought she, if
people had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they
couldn't see it? So she stood still where she was, and
waited.
When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped
and looked at her, and the Queen said severely Who is
this? She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and
smiled in reply.
Idiot! said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently;
and, turning to Alice, she went on, What's your name,
child?
My name is Alice, so please your Majesty, said Alice very
politely; but she added, to herself, Why, they're only a pack of
cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!
And who are these? said the Queen,
pointing to the three gardeners who were lying round the
rosetree; for, you see, as they were lying on their faces, and
the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack,
she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or
courtiers, or three of her own children.
How should I know? said Alice, surprised at her own
courage. It's no business of mine.
The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her
for a moment like a wild beast, screamed Off with her head!
Off —
The Queen pointing to Alice and crying: Off with her head!
Nonsense! said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and
the Queen was silent.
The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said
Consider, my dear: she is only a child!
The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave
Turn them over!
The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
Get up! said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and
the three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the
King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else.
Leave off that! screamed the Queen. You make me
giddy. And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on,
What have you been doing here?
May it please your Majesty, said Two, in a very humble
tone, going down on one knee as he spoke, we were
trying —
I see! said the Queen, who had meanwhile been
examining the roses. Off with their heads! and the
procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining behind to
execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for
protection.
You shan't be beheaded! said Alice, and she put them
into a large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers
wandered about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then
quietly marched off after the others.
Are their heads off? shouted the Queen.
Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty! the
soldiers shouted in reply.
That's right! shouted the Queen. Can you play
croquet?
The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the
question was evidently meant for her.
Yes! shouted Alice.
Come on, then! roared the Queen, and Alice joined the
procession, wondering very much what would happen next.
It's — it's a very fine day! said a timid voice
at her side. She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping
anxiously into her face.
Very, said Alice: — where's the Duchess?
Hush! Hush! said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He
looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised
himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and
whispered She's under sentence of execution.
What for? said Alice.
Did you say What a pity!? the Rabbit asked.
No, I didn't, said Alice: I don't think it's at all
a pity. I said What for?
She boxed the Queen's ears — the Rabbit
began. Alice gave a little scream of laughter. Oh, hush!
the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone. The Queen will hear
you! You see, she came rather late, and the Queen
said —
Get to your places! shouted the Queen in a voice of
thunder, and people began running about in all directions,
tumbling up against each other; however, they got settled down in
a minute or two, and the game began. Alice thought she had never
seen such a curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges
and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live
flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to
stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her
flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away,
comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down,
but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened
out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it
would twist itself round and look up in her face,
with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting
out laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going
to begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog
had unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides
all this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way
wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the
doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to
other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that
it was a very difficult game indeed.
Alice trying to play croquet with flamingo and hedgehog.
The players all played at once without waiting for turns,
quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in
a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went
stamping about, and shouting Off with his head! or Off
with her head! about once in a minute.
Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as
yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might
happen any minute, and then, thought she, what would
become of me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here;
the great wonder is, that there's any one left alive!
She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering
whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a
curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at first,
but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a
grin, and she said to herself It's the Cheshire Cat: now I
shall have somebody to talk to.
How are you getting on? said the Cat, as soon as there
was mouth enough for it to speak with.
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. It's
no use speaking to it, she thought, till its ears have
come, or at least one of them. In another minute the whole
head appeared, and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began an
account of the game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen
to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now
in sight, and no more of it appeared.
I don't think they play at all fairly, Alice began, in
rather a complaining tone, and they all quarrel so dreadfully
one can't hear oneself speak — and they don't seem to have
any rules in particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends
to them — and you've no idea how confusing it is all the
things being alive; for instance, there's the arch I've got to go
through next walking about at the other end of the ground —
and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only
it ran away when it saw mine coming!
How do you like the Queen? said the Cat in a low
voice.
Not at all, said Alice: she's so
extremely — Just then she noticed that the Queen
was close behind her, listening: so she went on, —
likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing the
game.
The Queen smiled and passed on.
Who are you talking to? said the King,
going up to Alice, and looking at the Cat's head with great
curiosity.
It's a friend of mine — a Cheshire Cat, said
Alice: allow me to introduce it.
I don't like the look of it at all, said the King:
however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.
I'd rather not, the Cat remarked.
Don't be impertinent, said the King, and don't look
at me like that! He got behind Alice as he spoke.
A cat may look at a king, said Alice. I've read
that in some book, but I don't remember where.
Well, it must be removed, said the King very
decidedly, and he called the Queen, who was passing at the
moment, My dear! I wish you would have this cat removed!
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties,
great or small. Off with his head! she said, without even
looking round.
I'll fetch the executioner myself, said the King
eagerly, and he hurried off.
Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game
was going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance,
screaming with passion. She had already heard her sentence three
of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and
she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in
such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or
not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog,
which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one
of them with the other: the only difficulty was, that her
flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where
Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up
into a tree.
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back,
the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight:
but it doesn't matter much, thought Alice, as all the
arches are gone from this side of the ground. So she tucked
it away under her arm, that it might not escape again, and went
back for a little more conversation with her friend.
When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to
find quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute
going on between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who
were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent,
and looked very uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three
to settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to her,
though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed
to make out exactly what they said.
The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a
head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had
never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin
at his time of life.
The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could
be beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
Executioner argues with King about cutting off Cheshire Cat's head.
The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about
it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round.
(It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so
grave and anxious.)
Alice could think of nothing else to say but It belongs to
the Duchess: you'd better ask her about it.
She's in prison, the Queen said to the executioner:
fetch her here. And the executioner went off like an
arrow.
The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,
by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had
entirely disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly
up and down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back
to the game.
Chapter IX
The Mock Turtle's Story
You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear
old thing! said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm
affectionately into Alice's, and they walked off together.
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper,
and thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that
had made her so savage when they met in the kitchen.
When I'm a Duchess, she said to herself,
(not in a very hopeful tone though), I won't have any pepper
in my kitchen at all. Soup does very well
without — Maybe it's always pepper that makes people
hot-tempered, she went on, very much pleased at having found
out a new kind of rule, and vinegar that makes them
sour — and camomile that makes them
bitter — and — and barley-sugar and such
things that make children sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew
that: then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you
know —
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a
little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear.
You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you
forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that
is, but I shall remember it in a bit.
Perhaps it hasn't one, Alice ventured to remark.
Tut, tut, child! said the Duchess. Everything's got
a moral, if only you can find it. And she squeezed herself up
closer to Alice's side as she spoke.
Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first,
because the Duchess was very ugly; and secondly,
because she was exactly the right height to rest her chin upon
Alice's shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin.
However, she did not like to be rude, so she bore it as well as
she could.
The game's going on rather better now, she said, by
way of keeping up the conversation a little.
'Tis so, said the Duchess: and the moral of that
is — Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world
go round!
Somebody said, Alice whispered, that it's done by
everybody minding their own business!
Ah, well! It means much the same thing, said the
Duchess, digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as
she added, and the moral of that is —
Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of
themselves.
How fond she is of finding morals in things! Alice
thought to herself.
I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round
your waist, the Duchess said after a pause: the reason is,
that I'm doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try
the experiment?
Alice (with flamingo) chats with the Duchess.
He might bite, Alice cautiously replied,
not feeling at all anxious to have the experiment tried.
Very true, said the Duchess: flamingoes and mustard
both bite. And the moral of that is — Birds of a feather
flock together.
Only mustard isn't a bird, Alice remarked.
Right, as usual, said the Duchess: what a clear way
you have of putting things!
It's a mineral, I think, said Alice.
Of course it is, said the Duchess, who seemed ready to
agree to everything that Alice said; there's a large
mustard-mine near here. And the moral of that is — The
more there is of mine, the less there is of yours.
Oh, I know! exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to
this last remark, it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one,
but it is.
I quite agree with you, said the Duchess; and the
moral of that is — Be what you would seem to
be — or if you'd like it put more
simply — Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise
than what it might appear to others that what you were or might
have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have
appeared to them to be otherwise.
I think I should understand that better, Alice said
very politely, if I had it written down: but I can't quite
follow it as you say it.
That's nothing to what I could say if I chose, the
Duchess replied, in a pleased tone.
Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than
that, said Alice.
Oh, don't talk about trouble! said the Duchess. I
make you a present of everything I've said as yet.
A cheap sort of present! thought Alice. I'm glad
they don't give birthday presents like that! But she did not
venture to say it out loud.
Thinking again? the Duchess asked, with another dig of
her sharp little chin.
I've a right to think, said Alice sharply, for she was
beginning to feel a little worried.
Just about as much right, said the Duchess, as pigs
have to fly; and the m—
But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died
away, even in the middle of her favourite word moral, and
the arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked
up, and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms
folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.
A fine day, your Majesty! the Duchess began in a low,
weak voice.
Now, I give you fair warning, shouted the Queen,
stamping on the ground as she spoke; either you or your head
must be off, and that in about half no time! Take your
choice!
The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.
Let's go on with the game, the Queen said to Alice;
and Alice was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly
followed her back to the croquet-ground.
The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence,
and were resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her,
they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a
moment's delay would cost them their lives.
All the time they were playing the Queen never left off
quarrelling with the other players, and shouting Off with his
head! or Off with her head! Those whom she sentenced
were taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to
leave off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an
hour or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except
the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under
sentence of execution.
Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to
Alice, Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?
No, said Alice. I don't even know what a Mock
Turtle is.
It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from, said the
Queen.
I never saw one, or heard of one, said Alice.
Come on, then, said the Queen, and he shall tell
you his history,
As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a
low voice, to the company generally, You are all pardoned.Come, that's a good thing! she said to
herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the number of
executions the Queen had ordered.
Gryphon asleep.
They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the
sun. (If you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at
the picture.) Up, lazy thing! said the Queen, and take
this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history.
I must go back and see after some executions I have ordered;
and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice
did not quite like the look of the creature, but on the whole she
thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after
that savage Queen: so she waited.
The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the
Queen till she was out of sight: then it chuckled. What
fun! said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice.
What is the fun? said Alice.
Why, she, said the Gryphon. It's all
her fancy, that: they never executes nobody, you know.
Come on!
Everybody says come on! here, thought Alice, as
she went slowly after it: I never was so ordered about in all
my life, never!
They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the
distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and,
as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart
would break. She pitied him deeply. What is his sorrow?
she asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in
the same words as before, It's all his fancy, that: he hasn't
got no sorrow, you know. Come on!
So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with
large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.
This here young lady, said the Gryphon, she wants
for to know your history, she do.
I'll tell it her, said the Mock Turtle in a deep,
hollow tone: sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word
till I've finished.
So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice
thought to herself, I don't see how he can even
finish, if he doesn't begin. But she waited patiently.
Once, said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh,
I was a real Turtle.
These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only
by an occasional exclamation of Hjckrrh! from the Gryphon,
and the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very
nearly getting up and saying, Thank you, sir, for your
interesting story, but she could not help thinking there
must be more to come, so she sat still and said
nothing.
When we were little, the Mock Turtle went on at last,
more calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, we
went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle —
we used to call him Tortoise —
Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one? Alice
asked.
We called him Tortoise because he taught us, said the
Mock Turtle angrily: really you are very dull!
You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a
simple question, added the Gryphon; and then they both sat
silent and looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the
earth. At last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, Drive on,
old fellow! Don't be all day about it! and he went on in
these words:
Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't
believe it —
I never said I didn't! interrupted Alice.
You did, said the Mock Turtle.
Hold your tongue! added the Gryphon, before Alice
could speak again. The Mock Turtle went on.
We had the best of educations — in fact, we went to
school every day —
I've been to a day-school, too, said
Alice; you needn't be so proud as all that.
With extras? asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
Yes, said Alice, we learned French and music.
And washing? said the Mock Turtle.
Certainly not! said Alice indignantly.
Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school, said the
Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief. Now at
ours they had at the end of the bill, French,
music, and washing — extra.
You couldn't have wanted it much, said Alice;
living at the bottom of the sea.
I couldn't afford to learn it. said the Mock Turtle
with a sigh. I only took the regular course.
What was that? inquired Alice.
Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with, the
Mock Turtle replied; and then the different branches of
Arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and
Derision.
I never heard of Uglification, Alice ventured to
say. What is it?
The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. What!
Never heard of uglifying! it exclaimed. You know what to
beautify is, I suppose?
Yes, said Alice doubtfully: it means —
to — make — anything —
prettier.
Well, then, the Gryphon went on, if you don't know
what to uglify is, you are a simpleton.
Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about
it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said What else had
you to learn?
Well, there was Mystery, the Mock Turtle replied,
counting off the subjects on his flappers, — Mystery,
ancient and modern, with Seaography: then Drawling — the
Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come once a
week: he taught us Drawling, Stretching, and
Fainting in Coils.
What was that like? said Alice.
Well, I can't show it you myself, the Mock Turtle
said: I'm too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.
Hadn't time, said the Gryphon: I went to the
Classics master, though. He was an old crab, he
was.
I never went to him, the Mock Turtle said with a sigh:
he taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.
So he did, so he did, said the Gryphon, sighing in his
turn; and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.
And how many hours a day did you do lessons? said
Alice, in a hurry to change the subject.
Ten hours the first day, said the Mock Turtle: nine
the next, and so on.
What a curious plan! exclaimed Alice.
That's the reason they're called lessons, the Gryphon
remarked: because they lessen from day to day.
This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a
little before she made her next remark. Then the eleventh day
must have been a holiday?
Of course it was, said the Mock Turtle.
And how did you manage on the twelfth? Alice went on
eagerly.
That's enough about lessons, the Gryphon interrupted
in a very decided tone: tell her something about the games
now.
Chapter X
The Lobster Quadrille
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one
flapper across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak,
but for a minute or two sobs choked his voice. Same as if he
had a bone in his throat, said the Gryphon: and it set to
work shaking him and punching him in the back. At last the Mock
Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears running down his
cheeks, he went on again: —
You may not have lived much under the sea —
(I haven't, said Alice) — and perhaps you were
never even introduced to a lobster — (Alice began to
say I once tasted — but checked herself hastily, and
said No, never) — so you can have no idea what a
delightful thing a Lobster Quadrille is!
No, indeed, said Alice. What sort of a dance is
it?
Why, said the Gryphon, you first form into a line
along the sea-shore —
Two lines! cried the Mock Turtle. Seals, turtles,
salmon, and so on; then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish
out of the way —
That generally takes some time,
interrupted the Gryphon.
— you advance twice —
Each with a lobster as a partner! cried the Gryphon.
Of course, the Mock Turtle said: advance twice, set
to partners —
— change lobsters, and retire in same order,
continued the Gryphon.
Then, you know, the Mock Turtle went on, you throw
the —
The lobsters! shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into
the air.
— as far out to sea as you can —
Swim after them! screamed the Gryphon.
Turn a somersault in the sea! cried the Mock Turtle,
capering wildly about.
Change lobsters again! yelled the Gryphon at the top
of its voice.
Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,
said the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two
creatures, who had been jumping about like mad things all this
time, sat down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice.
It must be a very pretty dance, said Alice timidly.
Would you like to see a little of it? said the Mock
Turtle.
Very much indeed, said Alice.
Come, let's try the first figure! said the Mock Turtle
to the Gryphon. We can do without lobsters, you know. Which
shall sing?
Oh, you sing, said the Gryphon. I've
forgotten the words.
Mock Turtle and Gryphon singing to Alice.
So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every
now and then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and
waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle
sang this, very slowly and sadly: —
Will you walk a little faster? said a whiting to a snail.There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail.See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!They are waiting on the shingle — will you come and join the dance?Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?You can really have no notion how delightful it will beWhen they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!But the snail replied Too far, too far! and gave a look askance — Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance. What matters it how far we go? his scaly friend replied.There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.The further off from England the nearer is to France —Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?Mock Turtle and Gryphon demonstrating the Lobster Quadrille to Alice.
Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,
said Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last: and I
do so like that curious song about the whiting!
Oh, as to the whiting, said the Mock Turtle,
they — you've seen them, of course?
Yes, said Alice, I've often seen them at
dinn— she checked herself hastily.
I don't know where Dinn may be, said the Mock Turtle,
but if you've seen them so often, of course you know what
they're like.
I believe so, Alice replied thoughtfully. They have
their tails in their mouths — and they're all over
crumbs.
You're wrong about the crumbs, said the Mock Turtle:
crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they
have their tails in their mouths; and the reason
is — here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his
eyes. — Tell her about the reason and all that,
he said to the Gryphon.
The reason is, said the Gryphon, that they
would go with the lobsters to the dance. So they got
thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long way. So they got
their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn't get them out
again. That's all.
Thank you, said Alice, it's very interesting. I
never knew so much about a whiting before.
I can tell you more than that, if you like, said the
Gryphon. Do you know why it's called a whiting?
I never thought about it, said Alice. Why?
It does the boots and shoes. the Gryphon
replied very solemnly.
Alice was thoroughly puzzled. Does the boots and
shoes! she repeated in a wondering tone.
Why, what are your shoes done with? said
the Gryphon. I mean, what makes them so shiny?
Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she
gave her answer. They're done with blacking, I believe.
Boots and shoes under the sea, the Gryphon went on in
a deep voice, are done with a whiting. Now you know.
And what are they made of? Alice asked in a tone of
great curiosity.
Soles and eels, of course, the Gryphon replied rather
impatiently: any shrimp could have told you that.
If I'd been the whiting, said Alice, whose thoughts
were still running on the song, I'd have said to the porpoise,
Keep back, please: we don't want you with
us!
They were obliged to have him with them, the Mock
Turtle said: no wise fish would go anywhere without a
porpoise.
Wouldn't it really? said Alice in a tone of great
surprise.
Of course not, said the Mock Turtle: why, if a fish
came to me, and told me he was going a journey, I
should say With what porpoise?
Don't you mean purpose? said Alice.
I mean what I say, the Mock Turtle replied in an
offended tone. And the Gryphon added Come, let's hear some of
your adventures.
I could tell you my adventures — beginning from this
morning, said Alice a little timidly: but it's no use
going back to yesterday, because I was a different person
then.
Explain all that, said the Mock Turtle.
No, no! The adventures first, said the Gryphon in an
impatient tone: explanations take such a dreadful time.
So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when
she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it
just at first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on each
side, and opened their eyes and mouths so very wide,
but she gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were
perfectly quiet till she got to the part about her repeating
You are Old, Father William, to the Caterpillar,
and the words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew
a long breath, and said That's very curious.
It's all about as curious as it can be, said the
Gryphon.
It all came different! the Mock Turtle repeated
thoughtfully. I should like to hear her try and repeat
something now. Tell her to begin. He looked at the Gryphon as
if he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice.
Stand up and repeat 'Tis the Voice of the
Sluggard, said the Gryphon.
How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat
lessons! thought Alice; I might as well be at school at
once. However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her
head was so full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew
what she was saying, and the words came very queer
indeed: —
Lobster primping before a mirror.'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair.As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his noseTrims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.
Later editions continued as follows:
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.
That's different from what I used to say when I was a
child, said the Gryphon.
Well, I never heard it before, said the Mock Turtle;
but it sounds uncommon nonsense.
Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her
hands, wondering if anything would ever happen in a
natural way again.
I should like to have it explained, said the Mock
Turtle.
She can't explain it, said the Gryphon hastily. Go
on with the next verse.
But about his toes? the Mock Turtle persisted. How
could he turn them out with his nose, you know?
It's the first position in dancing. Alice said; but
was dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change
the subject.
Go on with the next verse, the Gryphon repeated
impatiently: it begins I passed by his garden.
Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would
all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice: —
I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie —
Later editions continued as follows:
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,And concluded the banquet —
What is the use of repeating all that
stuff, the Mock Turtle interrupted, if you don't explain
it as you go on? It's by far the most confusing thing I ever
heard!
Yes, I think you'd better leave off, said the Gryphon:
and Alice was only too glad to do so.
Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?
the Gryphon went on. Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing
you a song?
Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so
kind, Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a
rather offended tone, Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her
Turtle Soup, will you, old fellow?
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice
sometimes choked with sobs, to sing this: —
Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, Waiting in a hot tureen! Who for such dainties would not stoop? Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! Beau—ootiful Soo—oop! Beau—ootiful Soo—oop! Soo—oop of the e—e—evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup! Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, Game, or any other dish? Who would not give all else for two Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? Beau—ootiful Soo—oop! Beau—ootiful Soo—oop! Soo—oop of the e—e—evening, Beautiful, beauti—FUL SOUP!
Chorus again! cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle
had just begun to repeat it, when a cry of The trial's
beginning! was heard in the distance.
Come on! cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the
hand, it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song.
What trial is it? Alice panted as she ran; but the
Gryphon only answered Come on! and ran the faster, while
more and more faintly came, carried on the breeze that followed
them, the melancholy words: —
Soo—oop of the e—e—evening,Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
Chapter XI
Who Stole the Tarts?
The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when
they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them — all
sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of
cards: the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a
soldier on each side to guard him; and near the King was the
White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of
parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a
table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good,
that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them — I wish
they'd get the trial done, she thought, and hand round the
refreshments! But there seemed to be no chance of this, so
she began looking at everything about her, to pass away the time.
White Rabbit, dressed as herald, blowing trumpet.
Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she
had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find
that she knew the name of nearly everything there. That's the
judge, she said to herself, because of his great wig.
The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown
over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he
did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly
not becoming.
And that's the jury-box, thought Alice, and those
twelve creatures, (she was obliged to say creatures,
you see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,)
I suppose they are the jurors. She said this last word two
or three times over to herself, being rather proud of it: for she
thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her age
knew the meaning of it at all. However, jury-men would
have done just as well.
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates.
What are they doing? Alice whispered to the Gryphon.
They can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's
begun.
They're putting down their names, the Gryphon
whispered in reply, for fear they should forget them before
the end of the trial.
Stupid things! Alice began in a loud, indignant voice,
but she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out,
Silence in the court! and the King put on his spectacles
and looked anxiously round, to make out who was talking.
Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their
shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down stupid
things! on their slates, and she could even make out that one
of them didn't know how to spell stupid, and that he had
to ask his neighbour to tell him. A nice muddle their
slates'll be in before the trial's over! thought Alice.
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course,
Alice could not stand, and she went round the court and got
behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away.
She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill,
the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of it; so,
after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one
finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very little use,
as it left no mark on the slate.
Herald, read the accusation! said the King.
On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet,
and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as
follows: —
The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, All on a summer day: The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, And took them quite away!
Consider your verdict, the King said to the jury.
Not yet, not yet! the Rabbit hastily interrupted.
There's a great deal to come before that!
Call the first witness, said the King; and the White
Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, First
witness!
The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in
one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. I beg
pardon, your Majesty, he began, for bringing these in: but
I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.
Mad Hatter arrives hastily in court to testify.
You ought to have finished, said the King. When did
you begin?
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him
into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. Fourteenth of
March, I think it was, he said.
Fifteenth, said the March Hare.
Sixteenth, added the Dormouse.
Write that down, the King said to the jury, and the
jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then
added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
Take off your hat, the King said to the Hatter.
It isn't mine, said the Hatter.
Stolen! the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who
instantly made a memorandum of the fact.
I keep them to sell, the Hatter added as an
explanation; I've none of my own. I'm a hatter.
Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at
the Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.
Give your evidence, said the King; and don't be
nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot.
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept
shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the
Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his
teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation,
which puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she
was beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she
would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she
decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for
her.
I wish you wouldn't squeeze so. said the Dormouse, who
was sitting next to her. I can hardly breathe.
I can't help it, said Alice very meekly: I'm
growing.
You've no right to grow here, said the Dormouse.
Don't talk nonsense, said Alice more boldly: you
know you're growing too.
Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace, said the
Dormouse: not in that ridiculous fashion. And he got up
very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the
Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to
one of the officers of the court, Bring me the list of the
singers in the last concert! on which the wretched Hatter
trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
Give your evidence, the King repeated angrily, or
I'll have you executed, whether you're nervous or not.
I'm a poor man, your Majesty, the Hatter began, in a
trembling voice, — and I hadn't begun my tea — not
above a week or so — and what with the bread-and-butter
getting so thin — and the twinkling of the tea —
The twinkling of the what? said the King.
It began with the tea, the Hatter replied.
Of course twinkling begins with a T! said the King
sharply. Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!
I'm a poor man, the Hatter went on, and most things
twinkled after that — only the March Hare said —
I didn't! the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
You did! said the Hatter.
I deny it! said the March Hare.
He denies it, said the King: leave out that
part.
Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said — the
Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to see if he would deny
it too: but the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.
After that, continued the Hatter, I cut some more
bread-and-butter —
But what did the Dormouse say? one of the jury asked.
That I can't remember, said the Hatter.
You must remember, remarked the King,
or I'll have you executed.
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter,
and went down on one knee. I'm a poor man, your Majesty,
he began.
You're a very poor speaker, said the King.
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately
suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a
hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a
large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into
this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon
it.)
I'm glad I've seen that done, thought Alice. I've
so often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, There
was some attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed
by the officers of the court, and I never understood what it
meant till now.
If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,
continued the King.
I can't go no lower, said the Hatter: I'm on the
floor, as it is.
Then you may sit down, the King replied.
Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
Come, that finished the guinea-pigs! thought Alice.
Now we shall get on better.
I'd rather finish my tea, said the Hatter, with an
anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
You may go, said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly
left the court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.
… and just as hastily leaves.
— and just take his head off outside, the Queen
added to one of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight
before the officer could get to the door.
Call the next witness! said the King.
The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the
pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before
she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began
sneezing all at once.
Give your evidence, said the King.
Shan't, said the cook.
The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a
low voice, Your Majesty must cross-examine this
witness.
Well, if I must, I must, the King said, with a
melancholy air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the
cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep
voice, What are tarts made of?
Pepper, mostly, said the cook.
Treacle, said a sleepy voice behind her.
Collar that Dormouse, the Queen shrieked out.
Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court!
Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting
the Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down
again, the cook had disappeared.
Never mind! said the King, with an air of great
relief. Call the next witness. And he added in an
undertone to the Queen, Really, my dear, you must
cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead
ache!
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list,
feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like,
— for they haven't got much evidence
yet, she said to herself. Imagine her surprise,
when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little
voice, the name Alice!
Chapter XII
Alice's Evidence
Here! cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of
the moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and
she jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box
with the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the
heads of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about,
reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish she had
accidentally upset the week before.
Giant Alice upsets the jury (literally).
Oh, I beg your pardon! she exclaimed in a
tone of great dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly
as she could, for the accident of the goldfish kept running in
her head, and she had a vague sort of idea that they must be
collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or they would
die.
The trial cannot proceed, said the King in a very
grave voice, until all the jurymen are back in their proper
places — all, he repeated with great
emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said do.
Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she
had put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing
was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable
to move. She soon got it out again, and put it right; not that
it signifies much, she said to herself; I should think it
would be quite as much use in the trial one way up
as the other.
As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of
being upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and
handed back to them, they set to work very diligently to write
out a history of the accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed
too much overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open,
gazing up into the roof of the court.
What do you know about this business? the King said to
Alice.
Nothing, said Alice.
Nothing whatever? persisted the King.
Nothing whatever, said Alice.
That's very important, the King said, turning to the
jury. They were just beginning to write this down on their
slates, when the White Rabbit interrupted:
unimportant, your Majesty means, of course,
he said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces
at him as he spoke.
Unimportant, of course, I meant, the King
hastily said, and went on to himself in an undertone,
important — unimportant — unimportant —
important — as if he were trying which word sounded
best.
Some of the jury wrote it down important, and some
unimportant. Alice could see this, as she was near enough to
look over their slates; but it doesn't matter a bit, she
thought to herself.
King reflecting in court.
At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily
writing in his note-book, cackled out Silence! and read
out from his book, Rule Forty-two. All persons more than
a mile high to leave the court.
Everybody looked at Alice.
I'm not a mile high, said Alice.
You are, said the King.
Nearly two miles high, added the Queen.
Well, I shan't go, at any rate, said Alice:
besides, that's not a regular rule: you invented it just
now.
It's the oldest rule in the book, said the King.
Then it ought to be Number One, said Alice.
The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily.
Consider your verdict, he said to the jury, in a low,
trembling voice.
There's more evidence to come yet, please your
Majesty, said the White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry;
this paper has just been picked up.
What's in it? said the Queen.
I haven't opened it yet, said the White Rabbit, but
it seems to be a letter, written by the prisoner to — to
somebody.
It must have been that, said the King, unless it
was written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know.
Who is it directed to? said one of the jurymen.
It isn't directed at all, said the White Rabbit; in
fact, there's nothing written on the outside. He
unfolded the paper as he spoke, and added It isn't a letter,
after all: it's a set of verses.
Are they in the prisoner's handwriting? asked another
of the jurymen.
No, they're not, said the White Rabbit, and that's
the queerest thing about it. (The jury all looked puzzled.)
He must have imitated somebody else's hand, said the
King. (The jury all brightened up again.)
Please your Majesty, said the Knave, I didn't write
it, and they can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the
end.
If you didn't sign it, said the King, that only
makes the matter worse. You must have meant some
mischief, or else you'd have signed your name like an honest
man.
There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the
first really clever thing the King had said that day.
That proves his guilt, said the Queen.
It proves nothing of the sort! said Alice. Why, you
don't even know what they're about!
Read them, said the King.
The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. Where shall I
begin, please your Majesty? he asked.
Begin at the beginning, the King said gravely, and
go on till you come to the end: then stop.
These were the verses the White Rabbit read: —
They told me you had been to her, And mentioned me to him: She gave me a good character, But said I could not swim. He sent them word I had not gone (We know it to be true): If she should push the matter on, What would become of you? I gave her one, they gave him two, You gave us three or more; They all returned from him to you, Though they were mine before. If I or she should chance to be Involved in this affair, He trusts to you to set them free, Exactly as we were. My notion was that you had been (Before she had this fit) An obstacle that came between Him, and ourselves, and it. Don't let him know she liked them best, For this must ever be A secret, kept from all the rest, Between yourself and me.
That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard
yet, said the King, rubbing his hands; so now let the
jury —
If any one of them can explain it, said Alice, (she
had grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit
afraid of interrupting him,) I'll give him sixpence.
I don't believe there's an atom of meaning in
it.
The jury all wrote down on their slates, She
doesn't believe there's an atom of meaning in it, but none of
them attempted to explain the paper.
If there's no meaning in it, said the King, that
saves a world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find
any. And yet I don't know, he went on, spreading out the
verses on his knee, and looking at them with one eye; I seem
to see some meaning in them, after all. — Said I
could not swim — you can't swim, can you? he
added, turning to the Knave.
The Knave shook his head sadly. Do I look like it? he
said. (Which he certainly did not, being made
entirely of cardboard.)
All right, so far, said the King, and he went on
muttering over the verses to himself: We know it to
be true — that's the jury, of course —
I gave her one, they gave him
two — why, that must be what he did with
the tarts, you know —
But, it goes on They all returned from him to
you, said Alice.
Why, there they are! said the King triumphantly,
pointing to the tarts on the table. Nothing can be clearer
than that. Then again — Before she
had this fit — you never had fits, my dear, I
think? he said to the Queen.
King and Queen inspecting tart in courtroom.
Never! said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand
at the Lizard as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left
off writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it made no
mark; but he now hastily began again, using the ink, that was
trickling down his face, as long as it lasted.)
Then the words don't fit you, said the
King, looking round the court with a smile. There was a dead
silence.
It's a pun! the King added in an offended tone, and
everybody laughed, Let the jury consider their verdict,
the King said, for about the twentieth time that day.
No, no! said the Queen. Sentence first —
verdict afterwards.
Stuff and nonsense! said Alice loudly. The idea of
having the sentence first!
Hold your tongue! said the Queen, turning purple.
I won't! said Alice.
Off with her head! the Queen shouted at the top of her
voice. Nobody moved.
Who cares for you? said Alice, (she had grown to her
full size by this time.) You're nothing but a pack of
cards!
Alice saying: You're nothing but a pack of cards!
At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying
down upon her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half
of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on
the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister, who was gently
brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the
trees upon her face.
Wake up, Alice dear! said her sister; Why, what a
long sleep you've had!
Oh, I've had such a curious dream! said Alice, and she
told her sister, as well as she could remember them, all these
strange Adventures of hers that you have just been reading about;
and when she had finished, her sister kissed her, and said, It
was a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in
to your tea; it's getting late. So Alice got up and ran off,
thinking while she ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream
it had been.
But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her
head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of
little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till she too began
dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream: —
First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again
the tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager
eyes were looking up into hers — she could hear the very
tones of her voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to
keep back the wandering hair that would always get
into her eyes — and still as she listened, or seemed to
listen, the whole place around her became alive the strange
creatures of her little sister's dream.
The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit
hurried by — the frightened Mouse splashed his way through
the neighbouring pool — she could hear the rattle of the
teacups as the March Hare and his friends shared their
never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off
her unfortunate guests to execution — once more the
pig-baby was sneezing on the Duchess's knee, while plates and
dishes crashed around it — once more the shriek of the
Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard's slate-pencil, and the
choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs, filled the air, mixed up
with the distant sobs of the miserable Mock Turtle.
So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in
Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and
all would change to dull reality — the grass would be
only rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of
the reeds — the rattling teacups would change to
tinkling sheep-bells, and the Queen's shrill cries to the voice
of the shepherd boy — and the sneeze of the baby, the
shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would
change (she knew) to the confused clamour of the busy
farm-yard — while the lowing of the cattle in the
distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's heavy sobs.
Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister
of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and
how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and
loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her
other little children, and make their eyes bright
and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream
of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their
simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys,
remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.